This current abstention from complex muscle protein, however, has yielded no such deep revelations.
In fact, far from the wise and serene little bodhisattva I had hoped to become, I've turned a bit of a rabid dog. Chained like to my Unprincipled Vegetarianism (which because it is unprincipled, has no clear mechanism for coming to an end), I snap and snarl whenever I remember, oh yes, I've turned into an Unprincipled Vegetarian. The thought is quite annoying and has brought me no Eureka! whatsoever except to realize that deep down inside, apparently I am a raging carnivore who enjoys silently brandishing her canines.
Although I thought that eating meat had a causal relationship to being a feral beast, it appears that not eating meat has the same effect, if not worse. I've turned into a caged animal (albeit a vegetarian animal) rattling the bars of my confinement. In fact, more than being an Unprincipled Vegetarian, I do believe I'm transforming into the Most Annoying Vegetarian Ever. My friends are practically begging me to give up giving up meat.
Apparently, Miss Unprincipled Vegetarian is no Miss Congeniality.
There are many possible explanations for this.
- I am feeling physically weak, even somewhat starved, because I have not been consuming muscle protein, and people who are starved lash out. (However, I am still eating eggs and some seafood and certainly my portions don't suggest that I am yet in need of United Nations relief.)
- When robbed of my carnivorous cloak, I am exposed to the light of day as the true Raving Bitch that I am. (Disturbing, but can't be ruled out.)
- There are natural sedatives in animal muscle protein.
- I hate being a vegetarian.
Of these explanations, probably the last is the most likely. When I gave up pork, I did not hate myself because I was still a meat-eater who happened to be giving up her favorite meat for a while for personal reasons. But now, I am not a meat-eater (unless you count sauces, broths, seafood, etc., but clearly I don't). I don't suppose I much enjoy being this person; I feel neither virtuous or righteous, nothing like Mr. Spock my favorite Vulcan vegetarian -- just angry and bitter like a Klingon deprived of his blood wine!
Kaghplut!!*
(*Kaghplut is not actually a Klingonese word, but it adequately describes what I'm feeling inside.)
As many will agree, I make a Lousy Vegetarian.
Still, time flies. Day Five of Vegetarianism makes for almost a full work week. And had it not been for two slices of most deeeelicious Prime Rib last Saturday, it would already be Day Seven. Didn't even God rest on Day Seven?
In the meantime, I must continue to perservere... for absolutely no reason whatsoever....
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