The Eternal Work In Progress: Soul of a Fatso

Many of you may have been asking where I've been? It's true it has been many moons since I last blogged, and to have committed the most serious blogger crime of prolonged absence, there must be a really good explanation, right?

So what have I been doing this whole time?

That's right; I was too busy to blog because I was too busy STUFFING MY FACE. Some of you may be skeptical, but those who know me well realize that this is altogether an unfortunate but very real possibility. It's a sad thing to watch a rational adult unravel over food, but hey, sometimes this kind of thing happens.

Put simply, I am but a Beast.

While Abject Lack of Self-Control is of course partly to blame for my predicament, my love of food is also a Genetic Inheritance not so easily cast away. I come from a family of legendary eaters on both my maternal and paternal sides. The first time my dad ever saw my mother was when he followed the delicious scent of homemade chow mein across a cafeteria to where my mom was eating her lunch.

As it was the Power of Food that was responsible for bringing me here in the first place, the least I can do is pay homage to this great Force on a regular basis.

In my youth, I was blessed with an insane metabolism that grossly subsidized my garbage-disposal-like eating habits. My eating prowess was the only thing Olympian about me. Yes, The Girl Who Failed Every Presidential Fitness Test (except for Stretching) was wholly incapable of doing a single pull-up, yet she could stand her own (and then some) against any boy when it came to lunch. If eating were a college sport, surely I would have been recruited on a full scholarship, and my name would be on some shiny plaque somewhere for all posterity.

To this day, the only feat of endurance in my life can be summed up with:

"YES! I CAN POLISH OFF THAT LAST DRUMSTICK!"

While my eating used to give me a sense of pride, lately the tide has been turning. God-like powers are fading, and my metabolism is catching up... or rather, slowing way way down. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, and it isn't a pretty sight; it's a day when I won't be able to eat four slices of a large pizza without breaking a sweat. And while it was fun being the petite Chinese girl first in line at the buffet, we all know it's no fun being the Chubster Waddling Up To The Chafing Trays.

Various unsolicited comments from my father and Taiwanese cab drivers have led me to believe that the time has come for me to take control of the situation. I may or may not be successful in my efforts to curb my eating, but before I embark on this journey, I'm taking one last moment to pay homage:

Regardless of what I may look like on the outside

in the past, present, or future,

on the inside,

I will always always have

The Soul of a Fatso.

Now, back to the business at hand, lest anyone think I was exaggerating when I said I was busy eating the last six weeks, here's some photographic documentation from my latest journey to the Lands of Food -- Taiwan and Japan:

Here's a sample of BREAKFAST in Japan. Inspired by the Swedish smorgasbord, the Japanese refer to hotel all-you-can-eat-buffet breakfasts as "Vikings." All I know is that Vikings are the only place I've ever eaten sausage and sashimi in the same sitting for breakfast.

Yes, You Can Have Spaghetti for Breakfast!

Yes, You Can Have French Fries For Breakfast!

Not All Of This Was Mine, Just The Plate In Front

Exquisitely Poached Spring Egg
with Fresh Tofu, Scallions, and Tiny Anchovies in Dashi

There was a stretch of 72 hours during which I bravely attended and survived THREE all-you-can-eat buffets with my aunties and uncles as we ate our way through Shizuoka, Japan and our hometown of Taichung, Taiwan. And the only thing hungrier than a pack of senior citizens descending upon a lunch buffet is a pack of TAIWANESE senior citizens descending upon a lunch buffet that includes SUSHI.

At the restaurant buffet located next to the fish market in Taichung, Taiwan, I was literally too busy running from food station to food station to do any justice with my camera, but I managed to snap a few quick shots: