Confessions of a Madwoman

I got a call from my mother the other night, concerned that I've been going around the Internet referring to myself as "the Madwoman."

"You're not really mad, are you?" she asked anxiously. "Won't people think you're crazy?"

Something about the tone in her voice made me think what she really meant was, will eligible bachelors in cyberspace think that you are crazy?

Let's hope so.

When I first started blogging months ago, I told my parents about it, never thinking they'd ever take the time to read any of my blog. Sure, I figured they'd be interested in a couple of the photos (the shot of the reindeer against the fence was actually taken my mom who has a gift for capturing animals at their most absurd), but why would they take the time to wade through all of that English, all of those long tortuous sentences?

I imagine that she has been reading my blog slowly, looking up every other word on her little computerized English-Chinese dictionary, typing in the word, "madwoman," her eyes growing big... she picks up the phone....

So for my mother's sake, I'll say it right now. I'm not crazy. Not really crazy. Not crazy enough for anyone to chase me around my house with a net. Not crazy enough to need rubber walls. At least not nowadays. On occasion, I may carry salsa in my purse, imitate moose by chewing on my apple trees, and sprinkle sugar on my lawn to get rid of dandelions, but let's be honest: I'm not crazy!

Regardless, it appears that my mother is intent on continuing to read my blog. I got yet another call asking me what is up with the photo of myself I posted on my food blog. I recently used Microsoft Paint to draw in a mask over my face, so as to protect my identity. After all, this is the Internet, you know.

"Why did you do that? What are you trying to do - Batman?"

Every once in a while, my English-Chinese-dictionary-toting mom surprises me with her knowledge of pop culture. Personally, I was going more for a Zorro look.

She lamented the loss of the undoctored image - which, if I understood her Chinese correctly - depicted some degree of "gentleness" and "naivete" that my Batman photo lacked and that, I might add, my real self probably lacks.

It was then I understood that perhaps my mother has been directing would-be suitors to my blogs, an ill-advised attempt to get to know her only daughter living in The Great Frigid North. Foolish indeed!

So once again, for my mother's sake, I am not crazy. I am not Batman. Anybody who knows the Madwoman understands that I would much prefer the shimmery purple vinyl of Catwoman.

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