For months, friends have listened to me lament about the state of our economy. I know I am among many who wished they had had kept their savings under their mattresses rather than dutifully directing dollars toward mutual funds, never to be seen again. I know the economy has been ailing because you hear about it at work, whenever you turn on the evening news, and whenever you check your online investments (and so you consciously avoid the latter).
But by far the most dramatic indicator of the downturn this past year is when you read the marquee at the midtown Anchorage Arby's. For years, it always held the promise of a good deal -- roast beef at an affordable price. Occasionally the sign would stray from these sound principles (the Two for Four Fish Sandwiches come to mind), but on the whole, the Arby's sign brings me all the comfort you'd expect from a pile of roast beef. I drive past the sign everyday on the way to work, and I never get to the office without checking what the fortuneteller says.
And when things started looking not so good for our great country, Arby's was ON it.
On March 10, the marquee was ominously blank. Not even a word about the Two For Four Fish Sandwiches.
On April 1:
$5 ROAST CHICKEN COMBO MEAL!
Unfortunately, anyone who eats at Arby's knows that the roast chicken combo meal is not Arby's bread and butter. Nevertheless, it was a promising spike during otherwise dismal times.
Sometime in May, however, the economy veered off again, with this confusing message:
COOL OFF WITH A MALT SHAKE!
Yet another curve ball. If you're going to Arby's and you're getting a shake, everybody knows you get the Jamocha shake. How many of us as nine year olds sipped our first taste of coffee in the form of the deliciously oversweet Jamocha shake? "Malt," on the other hand, carries the sad and disturbing suggestion that we were going back to the old days when children had to get their kicks and daily nutritional value from Ovaltine and other tasteless grain-based products. And for anyone who has lived in Anchorage, you know you can wait all summer and never feel the urge to "cool off" with a malt shake.
Mid-summer, the marquee changed again:
ORANGE SWIRL IS BACK!
(Umm... when was Orange Swirl ever here? The consumers of the "Orange Swirl" are way behind the consumers of the Malt Shake who are waaaay waaaay behind the kids drinking Jamocha shakes. This was a sad sad cry for help.)
The Orange Swirl persisted for quite some time, despite TV commercials touting Two Arby-Qs for Four Dollars. Probably a misplaced Seattle ad since it never made the Anchorage marquee but nevertheless, the Arby-Qs seemed to suggest a future beyond eternally haunting orange swirls.
And then, just as I started considering sewing gold coins into underpants as my primary form of investment and financial security, it happened. Like a miracle.
FIVE FOR $5.95!
Yes, ladies and gentleman. I am proud to announce that the Five-For-Five-Ninety-Five (Alaska's version of the Five-For-Five) is BACK! So let the gold coins loose from your pants, dig out your dollars from underneath your mattresses, and go out and get some cheap roast beef!
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